He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
