I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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