Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
