My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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