dude i'm inner monologue high
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
