Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
