Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
