Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
