There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
