Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
