and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
