Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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