Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
