I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he shaved USA in his pubs
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
