Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
