Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
