We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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