Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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