explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
