There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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