My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
