So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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