there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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