only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
