I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
