Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
