the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
