I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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