I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
