You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
