Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
