smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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