Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
