ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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