we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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