oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
