He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
