haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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