I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I love you. Go after that dick
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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