Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
