I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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