paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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