someone threw a dead crab at me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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