I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
