I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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