drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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