the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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