the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
