It's Friday. Sex?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
