Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
