We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
