I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
