I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
