im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
