3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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