So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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